


Nobody Expects the Spark-ish Inquisition

by presidenthomewrecker



Series: Fanfic Fridays [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance, Pokemon GO
Genre: Crack, Gen, Movie Night, Spanish Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 18:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8172052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/presidenthomewrecker/pseuds/presidenthomewrecker
Summary: “You know, I bet this entire situation would make a great song.” Gerard Way grumbled, mostly to himself, as the officially licensed torturer gave him another turn on the rack.





	

Characters: Spark (Team Instinct) and Gerard Way  
Location: the Spanish Inquisition  
Scenario: movie night  
All characters, locations, and scenarios were pulled from hats, and this format is entirely inspired by Ao3 user ThreeHats. This fanfic was written in 30 minutes or less.

“You know, I bet this entire situation would make a great song.” Gerard Way grumbled, mostly to himself, as the officially licensed torturer gave him another turn on the rack. For the most part, though, he could barely hear himself speak.

While he was only one of three people in the entire room, one of those three people was being so obscenely loud that if chosen between freedom and killing this guy, Gerard was now debating which one he’d choose. Sure, he probably should’ve felt empathy for his fellow captive, who had as little useful information as Gerard had, but empathy wasn’t exactly a good thing to have when being the leader of an emo-punk band.

The blonde-haired manchild had been confined to what the torturers have dubbed “the Shame Cage.” It was very small in size, shaped like a birdcage so that the man inside could only squat, his chest hunched over his knees. It seemed to operate by wearing a person down, but this was only hour two of who knows how long. Suffice to say, this guy wasn’t shutting up.

“Do you know how I am?” he demanded. “I’m Spark, leader of Team Instinct and master dabber!”

“That’s fascinating,” the torturer responded, and the more that Gerard listened to him speak the more he became convinced that it was that one fuck that sang lead for One Republic wearing a hood. After giving Spark, leader of Team instinct and master dabber, that three seconds of attention, the torturer turned back to Gerard and continued stretching his body well past its limits.

“Enjoy yourselves for a bit. I’ll come back later.” The torturer slammed the gigantic wooden door behind him, causing the maces and morningstars inexplicably hung from the ceiling to rattle slightly.

Once he was sure that the torturer was gone, Spark leaned forward. Well, as forward as his confines would currently allow. “Hey.”

Gerard ignored him in favor of pondering a suitable rhyme for the phrase “my secrets out like my intestines.”

“Hey! Hey, buddy!”

Still no answer.

“Yo! Dude! I know you can hear me!”

“Buddy!”

“Pal!”

“Amigo!”

“You there on the rack!”

“Hey you with the ridiculous eyeliner!”

This all went on for nearly five full minutes before Gerard finally snapped. “What?” he demanded. His voice went shrill as he screamed, and the harsh sound bounced spasmodically over the damp, mossy stone bricks.

“How’s it going?”

“How do you think it’s going?”

“I dunno. That’s why I’m asking.”

“Well, I’m doing peachy. How are you?”

“Pretty good. Can’t complain.”

“You’re in a cage.”

“I’ve been in worse.”

Gerard opened his mouth to respond, but halfway through the first syllable he realized how astronomically little of a shit he gave and stopped. He flopped back against the splintering board supporting his back and stared at the ceiling. With any luck, he’d either die or would have material to produce the best album of his career.

But then it started again.

“Hey!”

“What?”

“We could quote movies!” Spark suggested.

“What?”

“I’m bored. I thought it might be something fun we could do together.”

“Sure. What movie are you thinking of?”

“You talkin’ to me? You come here, on the day of daughter’s wedding . . .” Spark trailed off, not remembering the rest of that quote because it wasn’t as memeable as the first part. “Your turn!”

“Fuck you.” Gerard responded.

Spark cocked his head curiously. “What movie is that from?”

“The movie of my life. It’s from the part where I’m stuck with the living embodiment of a meme and I want to kill myself.”

Spark frowned. “Well, that’s no fun.”

“What?”

“You can’t just start in the middle! You have to start from the beginning! Unless your life is some non-linear art film, which I highly doubt.”

“Fine. It all started in New Jersey in 1977…” 

Turns out the inquisitor planned to leave them alone for some time, because Gerard was never interrupted. Even if he was, he wasn’t sure if he could stop. Gerard babbled mindlessly, years of teen, preteen, child, and semi-but-not-really-because-you’re-in-college-and-your-parents-are-all-but-paying-for-everything angst pouring out of him. Each year flew by in detail, and the room was silent, save for Gerard’s voice, which got calmer and smoother with each new factoid. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was telling Spark any of this, but now he found it impossible to stop. Weirdly enough, Spark seemed fascinated. He stared at Gerard intently, offering a few encouraging nods periodically. Regardless, Gerard brought up the most mundane comments like “I skinned my knee at school that day” or “I got to pet a stray cat while I was sitting outside.” Even he didn’t care about what he was saying, but still he continued.

“…And here I am.” Gerard closed his mouth, realizing how dry his mouth had become. He hadn’t been offered any food or drink since he was mysteriously abducted and somehow brought back to medieval Spain, and finally his discomfort was shining through.

Spark smiled at him. “Thirsty?”

Gerard nodded.

“Me too. But don’t worry. I think our ride’s almost here.”

“Our…ride?” Gerard echoed.

As if waiting for its cue, a large bird then burst through the wall. Bricks and mortar went flying in all directions, shattering torture devices and accidentally startling awake a sleeping man Gerard could’ve sworn was dead. One larger brick struck Spark’s cage in a precise enough way that the metal door swung open, allowing Spark to not-so-gracefully climb (i.e. fall) to the ground. Lightning danced on the tips of the bird’s wings, surrounding its body in a powerful, crackling form of energy.

Gerard stared at the beast, wide-eyed, mouth open.

The bird cawed in response before lowering its head. The sharp edges of its beak cut cleanly through the ropes binding Gerard’s wrists and ankles, causing Gerard to fall in a heap.

Everything in his body was burning, and only now could he realize how little he’d been able to breathe. The bird offered its head again, easily nudging Gerard to his feet.

“Heya, Zapdos!” Spark chirped. He trotted over to Gerard’s side.

Gerard turned towards his companion, his mouth wide open. 

Spark only grinned, but then after a moment of consideration, took the time to properly dab. He climbed on the bird’s back, offering his hand to Gerard. Still stunned into silence, Gerard followed his strange companion’s lead, wrapping his arms around Spark’s waist for support.

“Onward, Zapdos!” Spark cried.

The large bird cawed in response and took off into the sky, creating a trail of lightning behind the three of them.

“I…” Gerard trailed off, unable to fully formulate a sentence. This couldn’t be happening. All of this had to be some sort of bizarre fever dream.

Spark only grinned in response. “Let me give you some advice, Gerard. Always trust your instincts.”


End file.
